Posts Tagged ‘Joke’

Finding The Right Joke To Tell


2010
08.12

by 92YTribeca

Finding The Right Joke To Tell

Laughter is the best medicine and a great icebreaker for a first date, as a sense of humor is as the number one turn-on for many women. But it’s one thing to have a great sense of humor, it’s quite another to have everyone in stitches.
Well, look no further. Drop the rubber chicken and whoopee cushion, cause it’s time to really be funny.

Ease up on life and yourself; get used to taking things with a grain of salt. See the humor in situations; you’ll see that most situations, even getting a 0 dollar speeding ticket or falling down on a banana peel have humor written all over them — the trick is finding them and being able to laugh at yourself.

You can’t be funny if you don’t have any references or material. The broader your general knowledge is, the funnier the remarks you’ll make. You can’t say a Homer-esque comment if you don’t know who The Simpsons are, and Allllrrriiighttty then! doesn’t have the same effect if you’ve never seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective .

So the more you know film, TV, music, and everything pop culture, the greater the chance of being funny. Broaden your horizons and stay up-to-date with current events in the news, and you’ll be surprised at how much material will randomly come to you. You may even get to be someone’s lifeline on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? .

The rules of humor are analogous to those of poetry. These common rules are mainly precision, synthesis and rhythm. French philosopher Henri Bergson has said in an essay: “In every wit there is something of a poet.” In this essay Bergson views the essence of humor as the encrustation of the mechanical upon the living. He used as an instance a book by an English humorist, in which an elderly woman who desired a reputation as a philanthropist provided “homes within easy hail of her mansion for the conversion of atheists who have been specially manufactured for her, so to speak, and for a number of honest folk who have been made into drunkards so that she may cure them of their failing, etc.” This idea seems funny because a genuine impulse of charity as a living, vital impulse has become encrusted by a mechanical conception of how it should manifest itself.

The question / answer joke, sometimes posed as a common riddle, has a supposedly straight question and an answer which is twisted for humorous effect; puns are often employed. Of this type are knock-knock joke, light bulb joke, the many variations on “why did the chicken cross the road?”, and the class of “What’s the difference between…” joke, where the punch line is often a pun or a spoonerism linking two apparently entirely unconnected concepts.

Some jokes require a double act, where one respondent (usually the straight man) can be relied on to give the correct response to the person telling the joke. This is more common in performance than informal joke-telling.

Jon Caldwell is a sucker for jokes. Call it funny and you can expect Jon to be up to date with them. You can find more resources on jokes at http://www.AboutJokes.net

Learn How to Tell Jokes, Part 2 of 2: Telling a Longer Joke


2010
08.11

by Anna Gay

Learn How to Tell Jokes, Part 2 of 2: Telling a Longer Joke

Try this longer joke:

And elderly couple were having trouble remembering things so they decided to go see their doctor, and they explained their concern. The doctor checked them out and said, “Well, you’re pretty healthy for your ages. It’s normal to get a little forgetful as you get older. You might want to start writing things down.”

So they were relieved it wasn’t serious and they went home. That night while they were watching television, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the kitchen,” he replied.

“Will you bring me a bowl of ice cream?” she asked.

“Sure,” he said.

She asked, “Well, shouldn’t you write it down?”

“I’ll remember.”

“Well I’d like it with some strawberries on top. Shouldn’t you write it down?” she asked.

“No, I can remember that.”

“I want whipped cream, too. I know you’ll forget. Please write it down,” she said.

Getting angry, he snapped, “I don’t need to write it down!”

Twenty minutes later he returned with bacon and eggs and handed it to her. She stared at her plate a moment and said, “You forgot my toast.”

To remember this longer joke, break it down into it’s parts. There are three parts. In the first part, the couple goes to see the doctor. You can tell the details any way you like, so long as you include that the doctor tells them to write things down so they don’t forget.

In the second part, the husband is going to the kitchen. His wife wants three things. That’s really all you need to remember. It could be a strawberry Sunday or anything else that he will bring back for her.

In the third part, he brings back something different, she says he forgot something but it is not any of the things she originally asked for. This is what makes it funny.

Now practice the joke as you did before. Remember that there are three parts. It’s okay to substitute different foods or tell the conversation differently. When you can remember it without looking back to it, call someone and tell your joke.

Practice will help you to remember jokes. Try a new one each day until you are comfortable. You will have fun making others laugh.

The author writes text messages and advises and consults for social networking content for myspace comments, myspace graphics and evaluates creative ideas for personality quizzes.

Related Jokes Articles

John Wayne Stole My Joke


2010
08.10

by badjonni

John Wayne Stole My Joke

by Ron Coleman

Years ago when I was in my twenties I worked for Western Union Telegraph Company as a teletype operator. The one thing I hated about the job was when I had to deliver singing telegrams. This was usually done by telephone and I was not especially proud of my singing voice.

I was working for the telegraph office in Hayward, California and we had a regular customer who was a bit eccentric. We’ll call her Mrs. M.  Mrs. M would call in and dictate long, rambling, non-sensical telegrams to the Pope, the President, her Congressman, and anybody else who happened to annoy her. These telegrams went on sometimes for several pages and didn’t make a lot of sense. The girls in our office hated to take these telegrams from her because she was sometimes a little abusive with them as well. But she was one of our better customers. The telegrams were charged by the word and her telegrams would sometimes run over 0. As I said she was a little eccentric, but she was also wealthy.

I didn’t mind talking to her and the girls in the office hated it, so I made them a deal. If they would handle any singing telegrams we got, I would handle the calls from Mrs. M.

Years later I was working as a backlot timekeeper for Paramount Pictures. I told some of my co-workers about this experience and they found it quite amusing. As we started joking about it, we came up with a funny joke based on my experiences. The joke got told and was soon passed on all around the movie studio lot.

A few more years later after I had left my job at Paramount, I was watching a program on TV and John Wayne was a guest star. He did something I had never seen him do before — he told a joke. To my surprise, it was the joke my friends and I had created years earlier.

Although I met a lot of stars when I worked at Paramount, I never had the honor of meeting John Wayne. I was very flattered, though, to see that he liked my joke. Here, for your enjoyment, is the joke that John Wayne stole from me and my friends:

A woman was sitting in her home when she heard a knock on the door. She got up and found a telegraph delivery man at her doorway. As he was explaining he had a telegram for her, she got very excited.

“Oh boy, sing it to me!” she exclaimed.

“Oh ma’am, I couldn’t do that,” the delivery man replied.

“Don’t be bashful,” she said. “Please sing it to me! I insist!”

“Well, okay” he said. And he burst out into song:

“La, da, ta, da, da, da! Your sister Rose is dead.”

Ron Coleman has been a freelance cartoonist and writer for over 40 years. His work has appeared in hundreds of magazines, newspapers, books and on the internet. Samples of his work can be seen at his website:
http://www.colemantoons.com

Electronic Mail Joke Passing Etiquette


2010
08.10

by wumpus

Electronic Mail Joke Passing Etiquette

E-mail is a great way to keep in touch with friends, family members, and coworkers. Many people love to do so by forwarding jokes to dozens, if not hundreds, of their address book contacts.

Before you become the humor distributor, please, PLEASE read the below etiquette suggestions, lest your e-mails may just find their ways to peoples’ virtual trash cans. Even worse, some people may stop reading your e-mails altogether if you don’t follow these guidelines:

1. Always give your e-mails subject lines or they may never be read, and some people may begin ignoring all your e-mails entirely.

Be as descriptive as possible, though don’t go overboard with multi-sentence subjects. You may want to consider starting subject lines with the word JOKE: or similar to let busy individuals know the e-mails aren’t urgent, but some people may have filters that automatically trash such messages.

2. DO NOT WRITE YOUR JOKES IN ALL CAPS! ‘Nuff said. Many people find this hard to read or consider such e-mails as “shouting”. Again, send too many of these e-mails and you’ll start getting ignored.

3. When sending e-mails to a group of people, use your e-mail website or software’s BCC (blind carbon copy) feature instead of using the CC (carbon copy) feature. This hides the recipient addresses from each other.

If I see an e-mail that was sent to 100 different people I’m much less likely to read it. Plus, blind carbon copy increases privacy as some people on your homegrown list would rather not have their addresses sent out to possible strangers.

4. Planning on sending jokes from the office? Your boss and IT staff can, and sometimes will (depending on company policy), read your e-mails! Avoid tasteless humor in the office. If you’re planning on sending a message with questionable taste, use your personal account from home and make sure to send to other peoples’ personal e-mail addresses. Better yet, don’t do it at all.

Note that e-mail can be permanent – just because you delete a message doesn’t mean it is gone forever. You don’t want to be remembered 10 years later for sending a tasteless e-mail message!

5. Never send e-mail attachments without first notifying the recipients that files are coming. Many spam filters, including those at the office, are deleting e-mail attachments without warning, and I personally will never open an attachment unless I am aware one is about to arrive. This is because the “from” address in e-mail messages can be easily spoofed. Plus, e-mail accounts can be hacked, allowing nefarious individuals to send e-mail, complete with malware-laced attachments, from other peoples’ accounts without their knowledge.

6. If a joke has been forwarded multiple times, please remove all of the annoying forwarding brackets “>”, else the message may become too confusing for people to read. It won’t take that long to do, and if you want, there’s even a website called Mr. Ed’s E-Mail Bracket Stripper that can help do the work for you.

7. If a joke or fact sounds too-good-to-be-true, it just might be. Check first to see if your e-mail is an urban legend by visiting the Snopes website.

Electronic mail does not have to be all work and no play (though it probably should be at the office), and occasional jokes provide a welcome diversion from the day-to-day humdrum. However, passing around jokes without following these etiquette rules might annoy people and get you ignored. Use a subject, AVOID ALL CAPS, and use blind carbon copy when sending to a group. Think twice before sending tasteless humor from the office or distributing file attachments. Remove extraneous forwarding brackets, and don’t be the person everyone talks about that always sends out urban legends thinking they are true. A little etiquette can go a long way, and minding one’s manners can help keep your e-mails read and enjoyed for years to come.

Copyright 2008 Andrew Malek.

Andrew Malek is the owner of the MalekTips computer and technology help site at http://www.malektips.com . Whether you’re new to the Internet or a seasoned pro, MalekTips offers advice on topics including how to get the most out of search engines, unique websites to visit, and how to stay safe online including electronic mail tips at http://malektips.com/emailtips .


Powered by Yahoo! Answers