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Humorous Dirty T Shirts

2010
09.04

Tags: Dirty, Humorous, Shirts
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »

by Heart Industry

Humorous Dirty T Shirts

Coolest and Dirtiest T Shirts

Hey there, we just launched a brand new Humorous Dirty T Shirts website. Its packed with ALL the major T Shirt companies that we could find. Many of them offer fantastic deals and free shipping on certain offers as well.

What we wanted to do is create a place where people can go for ALL of there T Shirt needs. I know that many people want some of the coolest T Shirts for College and partying. While others want unique and very smart T Shirts that actually make a point or have something to say. For instance there are many T shirts that make humour out of certain political issues and television shows as well.

Just Go To The Site And See For Yourself:

Humorous Dirty T Shirts

From funny and rude to cool vintage styled T Shirts -you can find everything imaginable – even some cool T Shirts for our favorite holidays, like St.Pattys , International 4 20 day, and more. Great for gifts and wearing out too -you will LOVE this unbelievable selection of T Shirts.

Here is a quick list of T Shirt Styles:

Funny Offensive Rated PG -13 Funny T Shirts Rated PG Funny T Shirts Funny Religious T Shirts Funny Animal T Shirts Political T Shirts Holiday T Shirts Dogs and Cat T Shirts Funny Bachelor T Shirts Funny Bachelorette T Shirts Flag T Shirts

And of course there are all of the mimick T Shirts, like:

Mountain Dew = Mount and Do Me Dairy Queen = Drama Queen I See Dead People = I See *Holes Wii = Wiid (Weed) NASCAR = Redneck – (Same Logo as NASCAR)

And the Humorous and Dirty Quotes :

“Rehab Is For Quitters” “If You See ‘Da Police – Warn a Brother” (With the WB Logo – for “W”arn a “B”rother “Hard Work Will Pay Off Later – Laziness Pays Off Now” “YouTube MySpace and Ill Google your Yahoo” “Orgasm Donor” “Native Smack A Hoe Tribal Leader” “MILF In Training” “Im With Stupid” “I Steal Cop Cars”

And tons more of the best Humorous and Dirty T Shirts you will ever find. And the best thing about the site is, that there are so many options for great deals and free shipping opportunities. You can see all of these cool T Shirt sites at 1 place, without having to search around the entire Internet. We have took the time to bring all the best humorous ,dirty, rude , vintage and crazy T Shirts right to you.

With 6 of the absolute best T Shirt companies all in 1 spot -you will find EVERY and ANY T Shirt you could possibly want. And of course there are also the posters and other unique items too. Might as well have everything included for the absolute convenience of the visitors.

Here is the list of the T Shirt Companies and Websites:

T SHIRT HUMOUR T SHIRTS FOR A STUD COLLEGE FLAVOR FUNNY T SHIRTS SIK WORLD STRANGE CARGO

And we are ALWAYS on the look out for more. As long as a site offers the best products and isnt trying to charge for a T Shirt – we are always willing to add new sites. But we dont ever, add sites that think that charging an arm and a leg for a cool T Shirt is common practice. Our goal is to put them OUT OF BUSINESS.

Here is a quick overview of one of our sponsored T Shirt vendors and there discount pricing for multiple T Shirts and wholesale:

REGULAR PRICING

Buy 1 shirt and pay .95 for the shirt plus regular shipping costs

Spend or more and get FREE SHIPPING

WHOLESALE PRICING

Please contact us but basically we’ll offer you a chance to buy wholesale orders for about each. We don’t sell them for and each so save your breath and don’t even ask.

SUPER WHOLESALE PRICING

You won’t see this in the shopping cart but if you want to buy 100 or more shirts for your store or business, please email us to get even lower pricing.

Here’s a couple of notes: 1.) Don’t ask about expedited shipping for wholesale orders. Since we print all shirts to order (like when you order a pizza), that’s just not possible. Per our shipping policy here, orders print and ship within 7-10 days of your order and are sent via USPS Mail of our choosing (ie: whatever is cheapest) and 2.) Given #1 above, be sure you know what you’re ordering because we have a 15% re-stocking fee if you want to return it.

Really, all the sites have there own different pricing and discount benefits. Hopefully you get the best deals possible. There are even some team options for those that want to create there own team logo T Shirts, maybe for softball, flag football and any other type of organization. Many times you can get bulk pricing for orders of 10 or more T Shirts. It just depends on which site and what type of deals are going on.

So if you want to have all the best in Humorous and Dirty style T Shirts – at 1 place – simply follow the link:

Humorous Dirty T Shirts

Humorous Dirty T Shirts offers a complete list of T Shirt Stores in 1 place -making it easy to get the perfect T for everyone.

How to be Funny Without Telling Jokes

2010
09.04

Tags: Funny, Jokes, Telling, without
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »

by alterna2

How to be Funny Without Telling Jokes

Here is how to find humor in not-so-funny stuff. Before long, you will have people laughing a lot at your presentation without telling jokes. Below are some ways to get people to laugh.

Steps

1. Set the scene for laughter. If you want to lighten up your program, you might want to let the audience know this, even before you say one word. Project some lighthearted visuals as the audience is entering the room. Play some uplifting music as they enter. Or, add some humor to your presentation title or program description. Your bio, for example, can have a list of accomplishments, playfully followed by “His mother is very proud of him.”

2. Poke fun at yourself. Again, even before you open your mouth, you can show the audience that you do not take yourself too seriously by adding some playful things about you in your introduction. For example, have the introducer tell the audience that you are the author of seven books which have sold well over 30 copies. Then the person corrects their mistake and says, “Oops, that is 300,000 copies.”

3. Get some laughs with a prop. It has been said that learning is enhanced with visual aids. If this is true, then speakers need to enhance their talks with something to visually illustrate what they are saying. A prop is a great way to do this because it not only makes your message memorable but it can also get a laugh. Use balloons to illustrate how people can let go of their stress; an inflatable globe to illustrate how we often carry the world around on our shoulders; and a plastic hammer with which to hit yourself on the head when you goof up. All make a point and all get a laugh.

4. Tell your humorous stories. Open your humor eyes and ears and look and listen for the funny things that happen all around you. Families are an especially good resource for finding humorous stories. One such story involves the author’s 93-year-old mother. Every time she goes to the doctor, she hires a van service to take her there and back. One late afternoon, it did not show up to take her home. Since the doctor had to close the office for the day, he suggested that she wait for the van in the pizza parlor next door. After waiting a long time without the van arriving, she went up to the counter and asked, “Do you deliver?” When the man behind the counter replied, “Of course, we do. We’re a pizza place.” She said, “Great. Then I’d like a pepperoni pizza and I’d like to go with it.”

5. Borrow some witty words. While waiting for your own humor-related stories to appear, you might want to borrow some funny short quotes from famous people to lighten up your talks. Quotation books, the TV, newspapers, and magazines such as Reader’s Digest are great resources for locating great quotes. For instance, if you frequently speak to hospice groups, Woody Allen’s comments about death and dying are appropriate (e.g., “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”).

6. Collect audience anecdotes. Sometimes audiences say the funniest things. When they do, write it down. It could be a big laugh in your next presentation. For years, I have been asking audiences, “How do you spell relief?” My answer is “L-A-U-G-H”. Then one day a woman in the back row called out, “D-I-V-O-R-C-E.” It got a huge laugh for her that day and continues to get a laugh for me when I retell it.

7. Remember the bottom line. For non-humorists, some of the ideas presented here may seem too frivolous for your subject matter. Nevertheless, I would still encourage you to seek some way of upping the entertainment value of your talks because it might also increase what you can charge. As Steve Allen once noted, “People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”

8. Make it relevant. One final word about using humor in your presentations–make sure it is relevant. Amusing an audience for the sake of getting a laugh might be ideal for a stand-up comedian or an after-dinner humorist but it’s probably not okay for most speakers. If your humor does not make a point or have a purpose, do not use it!

Tips

· When speaking to a group of people, sweep the room with your eyes so that everybody pays attention to you

· In sweeping the room, periodically make eye contact for a few moments with one person, then with another – don’t appear too animated and speak to that person as though they were the whole room, then break contact and look at someone else.

· In Powerpoint presentations or similar situations, use crudely drawn pictures you threw together in MS Paint (or similar program). Make it quite obvious that you are not an artist with stick figures, incoherent blobs, and poorly drawn simple pictures, all with the brush tool. No predefined shapes, text tools, or anything of that sort. The idea of this is that you threw this picture together in paint in 30 seconds. Present it as you would any other slide, starting off with “this diagram I put together…” or anything that mentions that you did it.

Warnings

· Be careful while poking fun at yourself (step 2). If you do it, do it without losing credibility, or else no one will take the rest of your presentation seriously.

· Do not dress funny for, let’s say a presentation. That is a surefire way for people not to take what you say seriously. You should be able to make people laugh and still get your message across. If you look like a clown you will be perceived as a clown.

The article is written by Stanley Lyndon, author of “How to be Funny” ISBN 1-4276-1392-3 sold at: How to be Funny . This may be distributed free of cost anywhere as long as the author note is preserved.

Stanley Lyndon is a well established comedian/writer and author of “How to be Funny”. His website can be found at: How to be Funny

Work Jokes: Funny, Hilarious Worker, Workplace Humour

2010
09.04

Tags: Funny, Hilarious, Humour, Jokes, Work, Worker, Workplace
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »

by Adrian Stewart (Chortler)

Work Jokes: Funny, Hilarious Worker, Workplace Humour

WITTY & HILARIOUS WORKER AND WORKPLACE HOMOUR, AMUSING & SATIRICAL FUNNY WORK JOKES

Criticised by his manager for having taken time off work to go have his hair cut the office clerk defended himself: “Well.. it does, also, at the company’s time growâ¦”

An administrator didn’t like ‘yes’ men -not after he already said ‘no.’

What are night club bouncers?.. Men who throw disturbing partiesâ¦

“The next place” said the tour guide, “is ‘no smoking’ -we can’t go there yetâ¦” One of the tourists asked “Why?!.. None of us is smoking..?!” The tour guide replied, “I amâ¦”

A legal secretary is a girl over 18 in Britain, and over 21 in the USA.

“Advocate!..” warned the judge, “Are you trying to show contempt for this court..!?” The well-connected lawyer assured: “No, your honour -I am trying to conceal itâ¦”

The over-zealous shop assistant resented being needled by his fellow employees that on each and every occasion, on each and every issue, he licked the shop owner’s boots, each and every day -he pointed out that the owner only came in three days a weekâ¦

“Anything you say,” said the policewoman to the drunk driver, “may be held against you!” His protests ignored, he sighed “Oh!.. You..!”

One of the two elderly ladies exchanging gossip on the telephone in a small and out of town village with a small telephone-exchange, said to the other, “I hope the operator isn’t listening in to our conversationâ¦” A third voice was heard on the line and said “Madam, we don’t do things like that..!”

The new controller was overjoyed.. the managing director who had always ignored him and had been so critical of him was overheard referring to him as a perfect non-entityâ¦

He was very much wanting, said the librarian to the new archivist, to compliment him on his work -and was looking forward to when he would do someâ¦

The chairman of the board of directors put his proposals to vote.” All those who oppose,” he said, “say ‘I resign’â¦”

The boss had many men under him -he was a funeral directorâ¦

Some accountants are so mean, they want to have receipts even for any compliments that they pay…

Some employees grow on their employers -the way warts doâ¦

“Tell me,” asked the prosecuting attorney “did you, or did you not sleep with this beauty contestant!?” The reply was: “Not a blink, Sir!”

“How many people work here?” asked the new factory foreman to the production manager, and he replied: “About half of themâ¦”

People take their hats off to the boss -he runs a barber shopâ¦

The child psychologist employed by a toy shop had to be called when a difficult child would not part with a toy his parent would not buy, and, it took the expert only to whisper something to the child for the child to put back the toy and run out of the toy shop. Later, the kid told his parent what it was that the child expert said to him: “He told me, if I didn’t put it back and get out, he’d wring my neck!…”

The female soldiers employed in the armed forced were issued black underwear during the world war air raids -the army chiefs had been instructed to ensure all places of entertainment to be darkenedâ¦

“How come,” the wages clerk criticised the labourer, “that when you were under-paid you came and let me know, and I have had to come to you, this time that you have been overpaid in error..?!” Replied the worker: “I didn’t want to embarrass you again, by telling you that also this time, yet again, you made a mistake…”

Asked if it was a sin for a young man to sleep with a young woman, a cleric answered: “But, that’s just what they don’t do -they don’t sleep, do theyâ¦?”

At the doctor’s the nurse asked the patient with dream complaints if he saw a psychiatrist?” “No,” said the patient, “only dogs and cats.”

The methods of a company’s boss in seeking increased production that would enable expansion were so popular with his employees that they all looked forward to the day that those working for him would come to include an undertaker and grave diggers.

The new executive never ever said an unkind word against any member of his staff -he always talked only about himselfâ¦

“What!?..” responded the receptionist who had asked for time off work to get married, when the boss remarked “You have only just had your summer holidays -why didn’t you get married then..?” She expressed her surprised at the suggestion: “And ruin my holidays?!..”

“Shorthand..?” asked the interviewer at the employment agency to the applicant secretary. She replied: “Yes, but not as fast as longhand.”

Taxpayers are employees, said someone, who do not have to pass civil or public service examinations to work for the governmentâ¦

A sales manager was rather surprised that the brownies wanting to sell him cookies were not attempting any sales talk. “Why do you want to sell me these nice cookies, then..?” he asked them, and one of the girls replied, “Because you are so handsomeâ¦” The sales manager was heard, as he walked away munching the cookies he had bought, saying to himself “Yes.. that’s what sells -truth and honesty.”

She was the best window dresser in the neighbourhood -she never pulled down the shades!

“These apartments are so small..!” remarked a would-be tenant. The estate agent commented “Oh, that’s to leave no room for complaints.”

The psychoanalyst asked what the patient dreamed the night before and, upon being told “Nothing”, snapped: “Sir, how am I supposed to help you, if you don’t do your homework..?!”

Statesmenâs diplomatic communiques, were likened, in the anecdotes of the witty teacher and thinker the late Orhan Seyfi Ari, to a radio broadcaster of a boxing match who excitedly told the audiences âA left hook by Abdi!.. A right hook by Bandinelli!..â and announced the winner as.. Abdinelliâ¦

“This, of course, is only a suggestion,” said the chairman of the board to the directors “It’s for to you to bear in mind whose suggestion it is”

An executive can find his wife when he takes his secretary to lunchâ¦

When late home the worker told his wife on the entry-phone that he had been discussing a labour dispute which might lead to strike, was told “Go stay there then to consider this lock out!”

Reading in the newspaper that a confectioner was pelted at his wedding with small sweets, a brick layer cancelled his.

Some bosses are known to have fired their secretaries for mistakes they would not makeâ¦

Worthy politicians, traditionally, are employed in wordy causesâ¦

The author’s favourite site is: Teacher of Teachers

Work Jokes: Funny, Hilarious Worker, Workplace Humour

2010
09.04

Tags: Funny, Hilarious, Humour, Jokes, Work, Worker, Workplace
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »

by Anna Gay